I love ideas. I love thinking about them, talking about them & learning about them. It’s a big part of my mental playground. They can be outlandish and impractical but I don’t care! It’s fun to create something out of nothing sometimes. And that’s what this story is about. It’s about how I learned to protect something that has always been fun for me and how I almost lost it without even realizing it.

I once thought it would be a great idea to create a coffee maker in a car. I love drinking a hot beverage when I’m driving. It sounds funny to write that but it’s one of my many driving pleasures. I thought… how much more convenient it would be to have it ready made, with a lid on it, when you are ready to pull onto the road. Many times I would make my coffee (and lunch!) and forget it at home . Or, I’d remember it but I would be carrying so much to work that it would spill all over me. Both sad situations, let me tell ya!

I would share this idea with excitement and a lot of my sweet, loving friends, would tell me this was a terrible idea, lol. No sugar coating what so ever! That’s fine. This did not deter me. They would say it was completely impractical! Where do you get the water? How was it filled? Where do you store the ingredients? How do you clean it? Would it even be good?? All good questions! I would point out that none of these would be a problem because this was a perfect machine and all of those things were thought through and addressed before it was made. I took comfort that in this world where I created this machine, I had all of the money and resources to make something so perfect.

Even better would be your own barista that came with machine.

Now, in real life, am I dead set on bringing this idea to life? Not even a little bit!! I just enjoyed coming up with a perfect solution to my coffee to go problem. That was enough for me. I was grateful for the idea even though it was never brought to life by me ( Btw, I have seen a coffee mug device that tries to do just this!).

As someone who loves basking in all kinds of ideas, I’ve learned which ones seem like a good idea to act on and which ones are there for fun, such as my coffee car one. I never felt bad or judged this process of mine. All ideas served their purpose in some way.

Until one day! Dun dun duuunnnnnn…..

I was living with my grandma, Ruth, for a period of time. I loved these days because we would get to have all kinds of fun conversations. Ruth is an ideas person too. She has all kinds of curiosities and interests. She is always thinking about things and looking at them from different angles. I love that we share this! One day, while explaining one of my many impractical ideas, she said to me in her dry sense of humor way “You’re just like me, always thinking of ideas but never doing anything with them.” This hurt! Now, I never thought my grandma was saying this to hurt me. She often said things in a dry manner and I would usually laugh at them. I also loved this about her too. It was one of my favorite traits she possessed. It made her funny and not like any other grandma that I knew. She has class, is interesting and mysterious & has taken a slightly darker and dry approach to humor. I only hope I could be all of these things one day. So when I say I was hurt, it was only because she didn’t share the appreciation for this gift the same way I did. I even said to her “Grandma, that’s part of the fun, is just having them. They don’t all have to come true. It’s enjoyable to know that they can come so easily.”

How me and my grandma would hang out… just casually reading and talking while floating around the house, no big deal

What I didn’t realize is that after that moment, I took her feelings about ideas and adopted them as my own. It was stealthy and crept right in, I wasn’t even aware that it happened in the moment. In fact it would take several years before I would figure that out for myself. I kind of think of it as when you hang around someone for a awhile and all of the sudden you might start noticing you’ve picked up some of their mannerisms or ways of talking. You might not realize you are doing this until someone points it out.

It was years later, when I was speaking to my therapist, that it came up that I was attaching myself to the outcome of my ideas, and ultimately feeling disappointed that I wasn’t living up to them. I was putting so much pressure on myself to produce an outcome. How did this happen?! I loved all my ideas and it used to feel fun! Why was I putting so much pressure on myself? When we were exploring this feeling, it popped up that I was afraid of when I was older, looking back and feeling like I never did anything. I had all of these ideas and I did nothing with them.

That’s when the story of my grandma popped in my head!

Is this how she felt? I still need to ask her this question. But what I realized for myself is how susceptible I was for picking up other people’s emotions and fears and adopting them as my own. This isn’t the only time I noticed this, we live in a culture where pushing yourself to produce is what’s valued. This can lead to mental and physical burn out, I can speak to this first hand. This was just the time I realized how easily this can happen and how subtle it was. How many other feelings and fears am I carrying around that are not my own?

While in psychic school ( a whole other blog post will be written on this!) and working with my spiritual coach Manasi, I learned how to fix just this. How to clear other people’s energy from yours. There are many visualization tools that help in doing this such as grounding cords, popping balloons and using a separation tool (check out Deganit’s site if you want to learn about these tools here). And we know these days that visualizing is incredibly effective in changing subconscious thoughts, behaviors and patterns. There are articles that go into this a little here and here. If you have been stuck in a loop thinking and feeling the same things over and over, chances are you need a deep cleaning of your energy to get rid of some things you’ve picked up over the years. The beauty is, when you do this work, you don’t even have to know all the specific things you’ve picked up. It works when you make a practice of it.

What a concept! To be able to clean your energy on a daily basis to clear out all of this dust we collect from all different kinds of situations. So we can all dance in all of the impractical ideas we get and feel good knowing that that is the gift! I honestly didn’t know that this was something you can do and maintain. We can hold space for people and their thoughts and feelings. It is validating and important work. But more important is to take care of our own. To make sure we check in with ourselves and ask “is this thought or feeling my own or someone else’s?” Be curious! It’s good to be open and start asking ourselves these questions and do the small daily work when we can. It is such a small thing to do that can have a profound impact in our lives. And here begins a new way for me to show love and compassion for myself and start a new conversation on what it means to do that.

Is this story something that you can relate to or resonates with you? Please share this with me! I love a good story swap or conversation around this subject, so let me know what’s on your mind!